Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Lips and a cigarette

You didn’t enjoy that
So I should leave,
She states,
matter of fact.
Her eyes searching
My face
To read a reaction.
It takes a while for me to respond,
My attention lost
In the heave of her breasts
Against the humid air.
Sweat trickles down one mound
To her ribs.
I did enjoy it
My voice cracks,
Detached from my brain.
She shrugs and lights her
compulsory cigarette,
A retreating comfort.
Sex as a concept
Is something
I struggle with.
My mouth forms the words
But they make no sense,
Not even to me.
She doesn’t laugh.
Usually she at least smiles
When I speak.
Not this time,
Instead she ignores me.
Her lips curl
Around the butt, seductively
Encircling it
Like a soft mollusc.
I feel the stirring
Of a hardness again.
She notices and raises an eyebrow comically.
The cigarette leaves her mouth,
Her tongue stroking
The taste off it
And I want to fuck her again.


  1. not really an erotic poetry afficionado haha... >.< so i'll say it's really well written, very classy without seeming too pretentious, and... yeah :) nicely done.

    wondering, is this written from personal experience? you totally don't have to answer that question if you don't want to... curious minds want to know :) xxxx

    1. I both want to know and don't want to know the answer to that question. It's like I'm 14 and 40 at the same time!

    2. I know the feeling! I spent ages arguing with myself over that very issue. it's such an invasion of privacy, and such a 'fangirl' thing to do... both are traits i'm not used to >.<


  2. "Her lips curl/Around the butt seductively..." Lol, are you saying she kissed your arse?

    Sorry, I'm being an arse. ;)

    I actually enjoyed it. So many sex poems are so...I don't know, blatant and tacky. This one is well-written and understated. You can feel the emotions--or lack thereof--without being overwhelmed by the images.

    Well done. :)

  3. Well you may just have made a whole bunch of women go out and buy a pack of smokes Eoin. lol Only you could make smoking sexy!

  4. you know what?this one kind of confuses me. I usually know what to think but this one left me wrong footed. I can't leave any meaningful comment with an illuminating inside or a clever answer I'm afraid. At the moment I don't even know if I liked it! But this brief window on life you portrayed felt a little bit broken to me and far too easy to imagine. leaved me just that tiny bit sad. In the end you could say that yes, I liked it. quite a lot actually. I suppose.

  5. It's a snapshot, a photograph that allows you to feel the 30 second click of the aperture.

  6. It's a moment, a snapshot that lets the reader FEEL the 30 second click of the aperture however overexposed.

  7. All I can say is...wow. It's a quite vivid picture, something you can see in your mind.

  8. it's kind of sad and sexy at the same time, I liked it

  9. Like the scene in DFY in which the girls discuss not letting men get the better of their emotions, this poem stirs a glimmer of recognition and memories in me. There is physical connection here, but it seems no intellectual or emotional gratification exists between these two people. They are not lovers, but ****buddies, fulfilling primal needs and desires. Maybe it is just that, a primal thing only, but perhaps they share an understanding of what its like to have been hurt. Maybe one or both are still using self preservation tactics or are in denial... Whichever or whatever, no love is gained here and no love is lost. Nothing.

    This is my take anyway. Have I hit the mark? Maybe I'll never know... and maybe you're misunderstood...

  10. I think this is a really interesting poem, and multi-faceted. I was curious as to why she thought he hadn't enjoyed it; the fact that his voice is detached from his brain suggests that his emotions weren't involved, and he's caught between the immediate gratification of a primal act, and the disappointment afterwards that this wasn't a meeting of body and mind. It was just a fuck after all. Maybe he feels cheapened by the experience, or disillusioned. That's my two penneth, for what it's worth, and I think it's a poem that will probably resonate long after it has been read.

    Marie :-)

  11. The invisible border between two worlds, two cultures, two languages, always the same and yet so different depending on who you are and what you are at the very moment, can see everything disappear, explode or build an even stronger bond, binding skins and souls, then blowing them away with the tiniest breath of all, a whisper, one small word, uttered silently in the deepest corner of the eye, shut on your own emotions, feelings, and tears. Of pain. Of joy.

  12. I like the style of your poetry and there are enough of your poems here to get a sense of your ‘voice’. It’s simple, clean and as others have said, it makes you respond in the way you would to a photograph. It makes you try and fill in the story that led to the image. The image you take is clearly not airbrushed or over-lit as there is nothing overworked in the words. I think I would recognise a Macken poem without your name attached now.

    The smoking/sex imagery isn’t one that I relate to, but it’s a popular theme that I have seen before. Like another reader I wondered why she felt he didn’t enjoy it – and that adds some ambiguity to keep you interested in the imagery. She seems more in control than him. She is matter-of-fact, she doesn’t laugh, she raises an eyebrow at his predicament, then seeing him aroused plays on it. I wonder why she needed a retreating comfort though – it makes her seem vulnerable. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t like her.

    He seems unsure of himself, he is detached from his brain, he finds the concept of sex a struggle, but knows that doesn’t make sense. His body and brain seem to be doing different things. He appears aroused as much by the handling of the cigarette/ the cigarette itself, as her – as if the emotions involved were no more than the relief of a smoker enjoying their drug.

    I don’t know though – neither subject is my forte. Smoking just reminds me of emphysema and sex, well that’s part of the sanctity of marriage in my little world.

  13. I got the picture of a couple who have been together for a while & both realize the honeymoon phase is over. They wonder if there's anything but a physical attraction left. That may not be enough to keep the relationship going, but it's better than nothing, so they hang onto what they have. Poignant. It will stay with me for a long time, the way Winter's Bone still lingers months after I saw it.

  14. wow Amazing !!! I liked it a lot actually.
    the last part it's the better haha

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  16. Hi Eoin,
    Like most poems,it warrants reading at LEAST twice to get the full effect from it. Still think you should do a youtube reading of ALL your poems.
    Is this the "Ex girlfriends are just like restaurants, they're never as good as the first time U went no matter how often you go back....;-)" ?? Just curious...:-)
    Hard to fathom if this snapshot is a "relationship" or a regular customer for a paid ****. Then again, so much of what you write is open to personal interpretation, which is what I like about it, nothing is ever black & white with you (tempted to say 50 shades of grey, but it's already been taken,so I won't!!;-) I doubt anyone can ever say they KNOW the real Eoin Macken, as I don't think even you are entirely sure who he is yet. But it's the tortured and temperamental part of your soul that seems to produce these flashes of what is often tangled, but at the same time completely compelling... drawing the reader in to your spider's web and being left wanting a whole lot more,.... and for the female readers at least, wanting desperately to TRY to understand the man behind the face. You always paint such great visuals with very few words... the imagery of the mollusc is inspired, with their contortions & salivary trails...
    "Sex as a concept is something I struggle with" is entirely intruiging coming from a male perspective... it's more a female trait... as we tend to overanalyse just about everything... A man actually verbalising such a profound statement makes me wonder if he actually intended to reveal it out loud to her??..."Concept, noun, abstract or general idea"...NOT a word you would associate with the most basic of human instincts...
    I like the way you play with emotions without actually passing judgement on ANY of your characters, you sensibly and cleverly leave that up to the reader to form their own opinion, and I'm sure they are polar opposites of a scale when spread across the board, which is an entirely positive reaction to your work as it shows that it makes readers THINK and form an opinion... so much "entertainment" these days is non-engaging i.e. the reader has his/her opinions on any character pre-guided by the author, but in your work the final character analysis is left up to the reader and that in itself is refreshing and sets your work apart. As one commentor has already stated, your work is starting to become recognisable, but not in any negative way.
    The female certainly has feelings for the male("her eyes searching my face for a reaction"), & she obviously relishes the fact that his instincts finally take precedence over his issues with the "concept". On the other hand, she may just enjoy playing with him and confusing him even more. It would be interesting to know how old EITHER of these characters were in your mind's eye when you wrote it, as there is a "Mrs. Robinson" undertone to it, with the woman understanding how easy it is to seduce the boy back into arousal, even after his profound revealation... but I may be way off base. Either way, I enjoyed reading it.Thanks.
    Karen (@SinfieldK twitter)
    PS: You haven't mentioned Tony recently, how's he doing?

  17. I always enjoy your writing - I like your attention to even the minute detail. You have some great imagery within the poem. It does leave the reader with questions about the two people you described which is a good way to end it.

    BTW - anymore chapters of the book completed yet?

  18. Really beautiful! I was taken by the image you painted, as well as reading the other responses. My initial reaction was one of a man who has trouble expressing himself. He is caught up in the physical act, but has difficulty expressing his feelings. The woman assumes the worst, judges the situation and bases her emotional response to what she perceives is his. Truth is, he is actually still in the moment as she moves away and carries on the conversation...still heady from her sensuality, he has difficulty finding his voice and has an almost out of body experience trying to function mentally. He neither physically nor emotionally ever left their lovemaking and his body continues to respond to her. I found the poem to be very telling, and a great male perspective that I haven’t seen often in writing. I look forward to reading more!

  19. This left me quite sad. It was as if I am watching the breaking of a relationship. The moment when the realization hits that there is nothing outside the phyisical within it. Men are visual creatures, so the stimulation isn't hard to reason, but the concept of a disconnect between the couple is evident. Like I said, sad, but beautifully written. Tasteful, which can't always be said for poems about the most intimate details of our lives.

  20. She is rather gotic). And I must notice that you have made an interesting character in some details...

  21. By the way, I showed this poem one of my friends and she allowed for its satirical sense if you had satirized some unlucky worried boys. Can it be true)?