Monday, 16 April 2012

Alone he stands there smoking...

He stands there
Against the glass.
Beard built wild and
Filling his
Face like a monk.

A nervous energy
Makes him
Bounce back and forth,
Rocking on his heels
Like a broken
spring.

He takes from his pocket
A cigarette,
lights it in one movement
And turns to see his
Reflection 
In the window.

His reflection pleases him.
Arms showing
Rippled in a wife beater
Bleached white by the sun.
Tensing, he leans
Into his body.

His shaved head 
Makes him appear strong.
Self image is important 
And smoking
Completes him.

He smokes the cigarette but
Doesn't inhale,
he exhales too
Quickly.
His movements are nervous
And his energy
Excitable.

It's all an act and
I find myself
Praising him.
Guitar music plays inside the
Cafe, but
He cannot hear it.
The sound of
People's voices is his amphitheatre,
Their stolen looks
His public.

I photograph him
And he sees me, and for 
A second considers
Something wicked.
But then he just smiles shyly.

23 comments:

  1. Did you write this whilst waiting to go in front of camera this morning? If so I am impressed.

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  2. Observation....Reflection.....Introspection?

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  3. All the world's a stage... Nice way to bring that to light. We all play a role in some as we present ourselves to the world each day. Appearance is only a small part.

    The way you wrote this really makes you wonder what he's waiting for, or actually who he's waiting for.

    Nice job Eoin.

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  4. Doesn't inhale, yet smiles shyly.

    Such a pretty little young rebel twink. I wonder who his audience is...

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  5. Sweet! Nice job of observing.

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  6. Very eloquent. It's one of those poems where you can actually see the scenery, and hear it as well.

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  7. I people watch all the time and often wonder if I get close in my analysis of them, but I'm not talented enough to write poetry. This reminds me of walking to school every day and always seeing the same man going to work in the opposite direction. I made up a name (Mr Middleclass, unimaginatively..) and a whole back story about him in my head, home, job, kids, some kinkiness (ha!) etc. Years later a new boyfriend introduced me to his dad who turned out to be.. Mr Middleclass! I was surprised at how close I'd got, he looked nice and was nice. I wonder how close you got to this guy?
    I love your blogs Eion and you're inspiring me to write again and shortly to blog too. Well done and thank you.

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  8. This is interesting because this looks more like "poetry" to me than before, because the rhythm and the sounds are really giving the poem a special touch.

    I love this portrait of a man. This is like a photograph, somehow: showing what the "photographer" sees of his subject, not really the subject's feelings.

    Thank you for sharing this.

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  9. Nice. Makes me wonder if the guy's single. lol

    Sorry, just can't seem to catch a break lately. Awesome poem though.

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  10. Hey, I caught a couple of grammatical ambiguities that if sorted would make it close to perfect. (I find if I'm not sure what exactly is being referred to, I'm brought out of the mood of a poem)

    >>Arms showing
    >>Rippled in a wife beater
    >>Bleached white by the sun.

    I assume you're referring to the wifebeater being bleached, but only because the sun doesn't bleach skin. The lines seem to be primarily about his arms though, so that's a bit dodgy.

    >>Tensing, he leans
    >>Into his body.

    >>His shaved head
    >>Makes his appear strong.

    His shaved head makes his "body" or his "head" appear strong? Or his shaved head makes 'him' appear strong. I'm not sure if this is a simple typo, or an ambiguous pronoun?

    Sorry for being picky. It is a lovely portrait, and part of me wishes for a photograph to go with it, while another part of me is happy with the mental image it painted.

    Thanks for sharing

    Margaret

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  11. Reading your poems is always like watching motion pictures!!! Very your style, I guess. So cool^^ I like it^^

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  12. I really like the way it looks,
    there is a certain visual element in poetry,
    the choppiness or length of the lines,
    and this was quite interesting.

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  13. The flow of this poem, to me, made it easier to read and get into the scenery without having to stop, then re-emerge myself in the next too short sentence. I really liked it. Well done!

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  14. disquieting. the man is full of nervous energy but the poem is still, like the photo taken at the end.

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  15. There's a man by the window
    Smiling to himself
    Just the hint of a smile
    Caught in the reflection
    The ghost of a smile just a twitch of his lips
    Gone
    Like it wasn't before
    He takes a drag of his cigarette
    Smoke curls from his lips
    No hint of that smile
    That only I saw

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  16. Nice piece, 'The Coffee Shop Poet'.....cheers for all the comments, it was just an observational poem from something I saw that day, it would make an interesting little visual piece I think, if the actual person had let me film them, which I doubt he would have ...:)

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    Replies
    1. Your next piece would be "Poem From My Hospital Bed!"

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  17. I really like this, Your poetry has inspired me to try to write my own, keyword try. Lovely job!!!

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  18. Good job, it is really magic, we can imagine a scene with your poem.I am really press of reading the next one, mine if are not worked ~

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  19. I generally don't like free verse as I find it lacks personality. But yours is growing on me. Good work .

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  20. The outside world being a foreign place where you think no one will ever see you contemplating your inner self, just to check on who you are, not aware of what people truly see through the broken window of the dark memories, lost in the whorl of smoke the losses have left inside.
    The inside world being the friendly enemy, opaque as it may be through the shallow window of what you think you are.

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  21. What the hell does my comment above mean??? I’ve just read it and… I shouldn’t have really…
    If someone does understand something, let me know.
    Next time, I’ll do it in French, will probably be better…
    Back to my thriller, I’ve got my work cut out…

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  22. Sorry about these two comments. Not the kind of words I usually use... I had been working too much on my writing, Was exhausted. I've just finished one novel and just started a new one. I need rest.

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